Feeling Lucky in Love?

Do you have one of those “lucky” friends that seems to navigate the dating scene without much effort?  Research proves that these “lucky” people are actually folks who generate their own good fortune by following some basic principles.  Want to become more like that lucky friend of yours?  Commit to practicing each of the following on a regular basis:

1.  Notice and create opportunities.  For example: Rather than going to that same Starbucks every morning for your skinny latte, why not search the net for some local coffee shops you have yet to try?  The more you expose yourself to new places, the more opportunities you will create for chance meetings. 

2.  Listen to your intuition.  For example: Rather than taking the usual route to the cottage next weekend, make that right turn you’ve always wondered about and see where it will lead you.  

3.  Expect positive outcomes in order to create self-fulfilling prophecies.  For example:  When you’re getting ready for your first date with that cutie you’ve been eyeing all semester, envision yourselves laughing and enjoying each other’s company.  As the saying goes:  “I’ll see it when I’ll believe it.”

Best of Luck,

Dr. Tami Kubatski, Psy.D., C.Psych.

www.doctortami.com

Nurturing Healthy Self-Esteem

We teach people how to treat us. When we feel worthy and have a healthy sense of self, we communicate to the people in our lives that we expect to be treated with dignity and respect. Cultivating a more positive self-image increases our sense of self-worth, and as a result, helps to determine the kind of treatment we will or will not tolerate from others. This can be an incredibly empowering process.

Negative self-talk keeps us from enjoying self-confidence and self-respect. More often than not, when we speak to ourselves, we do so in a critical tone of voice. Focusing on flaws and weaknesses is a sure way to deflate self-esteem. 

Have you noticed that when you speak with a friend, you are often kinder and more accepting of their shortcomings than you are of your own? Learn to develop internal dialogues similar to the ones you use with your friends. Your self-esteem will flourish when you learn to place less emphasis on what's wrong with you and more emphasis on what's right.

Be kind to you!

Dr. Tami Kulbatski, Psy.D., C.Psych.

www.doctortami.com

Play for Moms?

It is a well-researched fact that when children play, the benefits they enjoy include cognitive, physical and emotional development.  Through playing, children improve their ability to problem-solve, they learn to adjust socially (integrating and communicating with their peers), and as a result, they grow emotionally. 

Throughout the ages, moms have been notorious for neglecting many (if not most) areas of their lives concerning self-care.  While busy caring for children, spouses, work, and domestic responsibilities, most moms dismiss the importance that play can bring to their lives. Much like our children need to play in order to thrive and grow, adults (especially moms) need to focus on “down-time”, “me-time,” and “fun-time” in order to re-energize, relieve stress, connect with friends and flourish emotionally. 

In my private practice, I often assign homework to moms who suffer from “lack-of-play syndrome.”  The homework entails carving out regular periods throughout the week for play.  This can include any activities that bring you joy, such as playing a team sport, solving crossword puzzles, or building a snowman.  Many moms resist this assignment because they feel guilty depriving their children of their presence.  “After all,” I often hear my clients say, “My mom never had to take time for herself.”  When moms (especially those who have daughters) don’t make adult playtime a priority, they not only fail to recharge and avoid burn-out, but they miss a crucial opportunity to model healthy behaviour to their daughters.    To protect your daughter from these very struggles you are facing when she becomes a mom, break the cycle, and start playing today.  Give your children the gift of an energetic and healthy grown-up that they can one day emulate. 

Now get out there and have fun!

Dr. Tami Kulbatski, Psy.D., C.Psych.

The Stress of Clutter

Clutter and anxiety are very closely related.  In my own practice, I often see clients who feel overwhelmed by numerous minor distractions in their physical environments.  Although they feel annoyed by growing stacks of magazines and garages filled to the brim with unused items, most prefer to ‘deal’ with their clutter by simply ignoring it.

The truth is that clutter zaps us of our energy, leaving us feeling drained, anxious, and unable to focus.  One of the most important lessons I impart to my clients living in clutter is that their physical space has a direct effect on their mental space.  People that are weighed down by physical clutter often feel paralyzed to tackle the bigger, more important aspects of their lives.  

If you feel that you have no control over the little things in life (like not being able to track down your contact lens solution) you are also more likely to believe you have no control over the big things.  Feeling anxious, stressed, or weary about your clutter is a strong indicator that the disorder in your environment needs some immediate attention. 

Wishing you a clutter-free day!

Dr. Tami Kulbatski, Psy.D. C.Psych.
www.doctortami.com

Managing Stress for Better Mental Health

With all the pressures of modern life, having tools at our disposal to manage stress levels is becoming increasingly important. In this blog, I will review three simple, yet very effective tools to help you better deal with stress.

The first simple, yet very effective tool to decrease stress is called Square Breathing. 

Instructions:  Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and begin to focus on your breathing. Inhale for a count of four. Hold for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four. Hold for a count of four. Repeat. Continue for at least four cycles.

This exercise regulates the breath and heart rate, alleviates tension, and promotes a general sense of peace and order to the mind and body.

The second tool to decrease stress involves engaging in sports or physical activities.  Exercise is a proven intervention that is highly effective in managing stress levels.  Not only does exercise provide us with a healthy distraction from stress, it also significantly diminishes the effects of stress on blood pressure and the heart.

Instructions: Commit to being physically active at least three times a week for at least 30 minutes at a time. Research indicates that regular physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress.  (If you are not used to strenuous exercise, be sure to check with your doctor first, and remember to start slow). 

The third tool to decrease stress involves reciting affirmations. 

Instructions:  Have several affirmations you can readily access (carry them in your wallet, or save them in your digital device).  When you feel your stress level increase, recite these affirmations as a way to help you calm down. Start your affirmations with the words "I am," phrase your affirmations in the present tense, be brief, be specific, and say what you want, rather than what you don't want.  Some examples include: 

• I am relaxed
• I am calm.
• I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.
• My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
• I am thankful for all the positive things in my life. 

When you create affirmations, remember to make them relevant to your life and meaningful to your personal experience. 

Wishing you a stress-free day!

Dr. Tami Kulbatski, Psy.D., C.Psych.
 www.doctortami.com